My Life In Agony
by gwenyth.porter
Summary: Everyone deserves to tell their story. So Now Listen To Mine
1. I Wished For Freedom

**I do not own any of the Twilight Saga**

**Thank you for reading**

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Condemned to marry a boy 2 years older than I, knowing merely his age and name, just as every other seventeen year old girl is or has been. It was a mystery how in hell I deserved this, but I was supposed to be happy, right?

Hell no. I hated this. I had no choice, I had no freedom, I wasn't even allowed to leave the house without a male or an adult present. I didn't want this, I had never wanted this. Zeus can kiss my seventeen year old ass, I worship Hades. He understands better. He was condemned to stay in the depths of the Underworld by his brothers. I doubt he enjoyed restraint as well.

My mother said I should be happy, she told me I'm lucky I have been merely chastised for the occasions I had left the house alone. But I know I am not lucky, I wish they had killed me, that a girl walking twenty feet from her house to sit by a lake alone was a crime punishable by death. Alas, I only received several whips to my back.

I wanted to die now more than ever. I was cursed to marry. And everyone knew that meant I was cursed to bear children. I had never enjoyed that thought. Bearing a child at the age of seventeen and worse; Conceiving one. I knew I would never want a child-at least not by force-I would never want to be forced to stay in a house, forced to keep my mouth shut unless necessary. I certainly did not wish to be violated by a man I hadn't even met yet.

His name; Klemes. And he better hold to the meaning of his name. No, I am not masochistic, to make this clear. I do not wish to be whipped, nor did I enjoy it. That is a sick thought. So I only wish for him to have been named according to his actual personality.

"Straighten your back again," My mother requested. That was the worst part, my mother had the sweetest voice. It seemed to be toned with honey and laced with the nicest flowers. It matched her personality exactly.

When I acted against regulations she was never mad, only asked if I wished to talk of what made me do it. That always made me want to do better, because she only worried for me. I straightened my back once more, having forgotten she was still braiding my straight, blonde hair with gentle hands.

"Mother, you understand my thoughts of this?" I asked again with a gentler version of my voice. Of course she knew, but I needed to hear her say it again. I needed to know again that she knew how this was destroying me.

She gave a small nod. "Yes, I felt something similar. Aias would not have been my choice of marriage, though he proved to be kind." I never enjoyed when we spoke of my father. I knew it pained both me and my mother to talk about him after he died. That was when she finished my hair and kneeled at my side. "I am not sure if Klemes will be kind, though it is assumed he is. Is that what you are fretting over?"

"No, I **do** fear he will treat me poorly, or harm me. But my troubles stretch farther than that." I licked my lips, thinking of only a wedding, and worse what Klemes would be like. I wanted to kill him, I'm sure if he is harsh with me I would. And in the rarity that I should fail, then I would be killed, and finally my troubles would end.

"Would you confide?"

Of course I complied; "I wish to have freedom, the ability to leave a house alone without being shunned upon. And I want to be treated with respect, as everyone should deserve. I wish to be allowed to choose my mate."

"I have fantasied for the same," My mother told me softly. "Keep thinking about it, do not allow yourself to forget what you could be able to do, even if they be impossible."

I nodded, feeling small tears begin in my eyes. It wasn't hard for me to subdue them, since my tears were such a rarity.

"Come, we should be ready." Her hand layed atop my shoulder as she stood.

"I'm not ready." I turned to look up at her. Though my tears did not show, it was obvious I wanted to cry. It was true; I wasn't ready. I would much rather be damned to the Underworld at that moment or even merely curl into a corner and sob until I die.

"We need to go. I'm sorry to say it, but we should not delay." I reluctantly stood, shifting the white dress I wore to make it evenly end at my ankles. Then my mother led us outside to the ceremony.

I guess, in a very small way I'm lucky. Due to me 'acting out' I wasn't having the usual three day wedding. Instead it was a small organisation. No sacrifice, only a prayer and speakings of our wedding stage.

I felt myself shaking as my mothers' arm led me towards Klemes. I took a small glance up to see him staring at me, I swore I saw a small smirk light on his face as he saw me. I was lead to assume he was pleased with my features. My mother had told me I was significantly pretty in compare to others. In that moment my eyes flickered up I found he had a decent build for his age, dark brown, almost crew-cut hair, and his features were fare as well, excluding his faint smirk.

Turning my gaze back to the ground, I relied on my mothers' arm to lead me. The she spoke to me, in a whisper, not entirely helping me;

"Keep calm, Athenodora."


	2. Let Me Rest For Now

**So so so so sorry if it annoys or confuses anyone with the storyline. But I'm going to be changing one thing with how her life was originally written by the wonderful Stephanie Meyer. It will change a few other things as well.**

**Again, so so sorry.**

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That cocky smirk. I would kill that cocky smirk. He had it the entire time, even though he seemed to be trying to hide it. It was plain to me.

Afterwards we had gone into our new home, a bland, small structure. I wish I could have remained in my old home, and of course not have gotten married and not be destined to live with this man who keeps staring at me with a perverted gleam in his annoying green eyes.

He pulled me inside, his arm around my shoulders, and continually kissed my cheek. He almost looked drunk. In fact I think I smelled the wine and beer on his breath. Once inside I felt oddly uncomfortable. Granted, it was roomy inside, but it felt... almost _off_. I could only guess why, though.

"Go ahead and get ready for bed," His voice was surprisingly stern. I almost wanted to punch him just for speaking, punch him through the window into the dark night. Instead I gave a small nod and walked into the bedroom. The room I now shared with a man, whom I so wanted to kill. Through the shortened wedding I focused my mind away from it, made myself think of other things to keep it off of what was to come.

But then I had to face it. While I sat on the edge of the bed, now dressed in a layered gown, my hands ran through my silky hair, my nimble fingers combed out the bits of rice. Then he entered, looking less drunk, thankfully, and slowly walked towards me as if to stalk me.

His hand lifted to my hair and the back of his fingers ran down the blonde strands. He grabbed my arms and pulled me to my feet. "Beautiful, and **mine**." But he didn't sound like a Husband, or anyone in love. He sounded like a greedy old man, handling a slave.

His lips pressed painfully against mine, and I heard a whimper escape my lips. My eyes had closed and my arms raised in front of my chest in need to push him away. Once he pulled his head away from me his hand moved along my shoulder, pulling the sleeve of my gown down, then he pulled me into a kiss again. Before he got it an inch below my shoulder I pulled away. "Klemes," I protested.

Big mistake.

I like to blame that moment that brought me to my ultimate fate. Almost funny, my life ending in a curse because of a small mistake, a mere protest. I have always blamed that single word, and that single motherfucker. It is always the fact that I spoke up for myself that comes to mind when I debate on this. But I always end up repeating to myself that it was inevitable, and stemmed from many other moments and decisions. And mistakes.

His eyes narrowed angrily. "Was that resistance? You are denying me?" I stepped away, naturally scared though I didn't want to be. I didn't **deserve** to be. He was my Husband, he shouldn't be scaring me, and I wish I could prove myself that.

"Don't dare resist me, don't ever disobey me, **child**." His words were like a knife, slowly cutting at me. "You will pay for that mess up. Undress, now." I hated it, but I had no choice than to obey. I quickly pulled down my gown and set it on my small dresser. Then I stood in my undergarments and he looked over my body with his signature perverted smirk.

"Kneel, facing the bed." Klemes's next command came, and I did so. My eyes closed as I knelt beside the bed, my fingers intertwined and pressed against the bed sheets. His hand grazed over my shoulder, across the back of my neck, and over the other. The slight cold of his hands made a shiver run down my spine. Then I heard the open and close of a dresser door.

A moment after I heard it close his hand was slowly grazing over my back. "Soft," He whispered just loud enough for me to hear. "Too bad you had to speak out against me." Then a stinging slashed over my back just a moment before the crackle sound of the rope meeting my skin reached my ears. I gasped at the sharp pain coursing through my nerves.

"Do not defy me again. You are my slave now. Not my wife, my property." His words came with another harsh slash over my back. I whimpered loudly. With the next whip from the rope brought out a loud cry in pain. A tear streamed down my cheek as I attempted to focus my thoughts. I was desperate to organize it, to think of one thing at a time, but it all swirled around too quickly for me to pick one out.

_Why won't he stop? Why has this come from a mere slip-up? I couldn't have done something so wrong. Why is he like this? Has he gotten this drunk? Why has he the right to do this? Why won't he __**stop**__?_

I had almost missed the next several cracks of his make-shift whip. Almost. Each one now feeling to throb on my back, and summoning cries and pleas. My words were silent, though, silent pleas for help, for someone to free me of this. Or for somehow this hell to be diminished.

But my hell, my **real**, **personal** hell, was still to come...

I sensed his hand raising again, yielding the rope whip. But-

Then, that was when my hell began. When I entered my personal and private, VIP hell. Of course, I was stupid enough to wish for it.

I heard a whizzing sound. The sound like the rope whizzing through the air. A soft, eerie whistle. But this was almost magnified, clear. I hadn't seen a thing, granted I was still staring down at the bed through eyes blurred with tears, but I also had not heard a single thing, barely a breeze. Yet in under a second, Klemes was on the floor, shouting in surprise.

And me, I was being brought to hell, as much as I say that it never gets old. At least to me. Please, let me say it once more and then I will refrain from repeating it; My. Hell. Began.

Within the moment I had been risen into the air, a hand-hard and cold as ice-supported my back and an arm of the same feel was placed under my knees. It was mostly a blur for what felt to be several minutes. My eyes remained closed and I pressed my face against the fabric of a shirt in a weak attempt to hide myself from whatever was going on. As I awaited further unexplainable chaos, I suddenly felt wind slicing at my exposed skin, which was just about all over me. I was being taken away, but where, and by who? Truly, I didn't really care, but I would be brought away from that horrible place I had always wanted to get away from. This would be better than that.

But soon after the wind began slashing at my skin, I fell off to sleep. For once it as peaceful. Finally, I had a good nights' sleep. I could finally just relax, and when I awoke, hopefully I would be in a beautiful, better place. No doubt I'd even take a better situation, a place didn't matter, as long as I could rest. So I simply allowed myself to sleep, and I would face the situation when I awoke. But right now, I deserved a little rest.


	3. Liar

My eyes opened in the slowest of motions as my mind worked quickly to remember the last time I was awake. There it is, a warm shirt beside my head, yet cold skin against my mostly bare neck and knees. That's right, I was mostly naked, and my back was sore, it still was, I pictured the slash marks crossing over my back, becoming invisible for less than an inch where it had hit my undergarments, then returning on the other side of the material. And back to the topic of me dressed in only my underclothes.

My smile that had grown as I remembered being taken from Klemes disappeared with the realization. But if I was in a small excuse for clothing, why did I not feel the cold that should be encasing me by now. Instead I felt more warm material, shielding my body on all sides, and against my back, past the decently thick material, I felt an uneven surface. It was easy for me to distinguish it as bare earth, but that only aroused more questions.

But the most questioning factor came a second later. With a quiet moan, I turned my head to the side a quarter of the way. I was fully awake once I saw the man to my left, sitting Indian style with his back leaning against a tree.

His features were exquisite. His straight, blonde hair hung down to his chin, accenting his perfectly paced cheek bones, which were covered over with shockingly pale skin. Then his eyes-staring straight back into mine-were a sparkling scarlet red.

My torso shot up as I scurried back, whichever direction was behind me. A shooting pain entered my body as my back hit the scratching bark of a tree. Another moan escaped my lips, this time of pain, though.

"Please relax," The man told me in the most soothing voice I could have ever imagined possible, and past that. His eyes didn't leave mine as the blanket was removed from my body by my movement. Though as my skin was left mostly bare again I felt the strong chill in the air, only now realizing it was still night.

I didn't dare move away from the tree, instead I remained still for a long few moments. His gaze still didn't leave my face to look away or look at my revealed body, as I'd expected only moments before. Despite, simply his gaze locked on mine made me feel penetrated, as if he was curling a pale hand around my mind, heart, and soul. It forced a shiver down my spine.

"Wha-what exactly happened last night?" I asked in a shaky voice.

"You were being neglected by that Mortal that claims to be your dear husband," He began slowly, allowing me time to process each word. "I ran in, incapacitated him, and brought you here, several miles from **him** and the Humans." He pronounced the word with what sounded like a snarl, but that didn't sound realistic.

"You speak as if you are not one," I pointed out with my tired voice.

"That does not matter for the time being. I merely needed to stop him, and I could not bear the idea of leaving you for him to torture again when he awakes." His hand rose from his side, holding a piece of white fabric. I noticed the little contrast from the layer of clothing and the tone of his skin. "You should dress, it is very cold. I apologize for not being able to grab something warmer." He leaned toward me, his hand outstretched, offering me the gown I had been forced to discard only hours ago.

Eyes still locked with his, I leaned over as well, ending up on a hand and my knees to accept the gown. Returning to my previous position, I soon pulled it over my head, down my torso, and down to my knees.

"And you saved me," I pointed out as well, to which he nodded. "You… knew what was happening?"

He paused a minute before answering. "I have been… watching over you. I feared you would harm yourself or be put in danger."

I nodded. Oddly, I thought I should have been more alarmed, but didn't. It felt weird to know this, yet it made me feel safer, more protected. I still had a few questions, of course, to test several suspicions that lighted in my mind. "How old are you?"

He didn't look very taken back, only answered, "In my twenties."

"You don't remember an exact?"

"I lost track. There hasn't been a need for me to keep track."

"That's a lie."

"What exactly is the lie?" He asked, his head tilted ever so slightly to the side.

I thought for a moment. No, it wasn't a lie, it was the truth. It just wasn't the entire truth. So I corrected myself. "You're telling me the truth, but not over it. You do know exactly how old you are, but it is true that somehow you don't know the exact to what age you're telling me. And you neglect to tell me why this is."

Now he smiled, however small it was, I saw it. Was he glad I had found out? "As I've said; There is no use in telling you the entire truth, at least not yet."

"Tell me the truth," I almost ordered it, though my voice was still mostly soft. "I need to hear all of it. You practically mentioned you are not fully Human, adding to the fact that your features are mesmerizing, your skin is more pale than possible, and your eyes are scarlet."

"I am Albino," He attempted to claim.

"That's a lie."

"Believe me, you have no reason to know."

"I need to know you. You saved me, I have a right to know you."

"The fact that I saved you makes it so I owe you nothing."

"Yet you still keep me around, and don't even look at my body despite my lack of clothing. Instead you drape me in a blanket." I heard my voice raise angrily.

His voice rose as well. "That would be disrespectful, I will not exploit you like a pitiful Human."

"**Again**, you just called **'them'** Human. You aren't one."

"Does it truly matter?"

"Yes, I need to know what this is, I need to know what you are."

"I will not tell you."

"You will."

"You might be harmed if I do."

"I've been through worse, you know that!"

"You shouldn't know! Believe me, you shouldn't!"

"I refuse to let this go by without an answer! You will tell me why you are doing this!"

"No!"

"You're a bastard!" Damn, I am so stupid.

Before I had even blinked again, he somehow had gotten to me and pulled me to my feet. I hadn't even had time to muffle a surprised scream. He then proceeded to lock me against the tree with his hands grabbing my upper arms. Then I felt his grasp, freezing cold, colder than a block of ice. Plus I felt something with his touch. A hollow, broken feeling. I felt _death_.

This took mere seconds. Once I was pressed against the tree he spoke again. "You are trying to make me kill you. Your goal is to make me kill you."

"I merely wanted to know what you are," I defended, my voice now sounded helpless, and scared.

"I'm a Vampire," He whispered, our eyes now not even two inches apart.

I heard him all too well.


	4. Coercion

He told me not to ask, I was warned I wouldn't need-want-to know. That's my own persistence causing me to make all these mistakes. Because as anyone could guess this was bringing upon my hell, as I have mentioned. But it would be unnoticed to many that this had begun a time of eventual desperation, eventual despair, and eventual imprisonment.

He pulled back, allowing me to drop to my feet. "My name is Caius, I was born several years ago, in my mid twenties. Now I am by literal term forty seven years old. Being a Vampire I have lived as a Nomad for two years after leaving the Romanian Coven. There are plenty more of my kind."

"No C… Caius." I felt hesitant to speak his name. "This isn't real. Vampires have never been real-"

"Do you prefer me to prove it, then?" His offer seemed more of a challenge. I forced my gaze to raise, meeting his blood red stare. "It wouldn't mean the necessity of your death or turning, there are several other indications."

I managed a small nod, though sure it only seemed to be a small movement to Human eyes. "A-alright. What exactly would it mean, then?" He didn't answer, but instead worked at the buttons of his white and dirt stained shirt with nimble, beyond pale fingers.

Now I was the one staring, complete confusion domination my expression. Once he had slipped the last button out of the hole, he pulled his shirt back a little. With one step, he was in the sunlight filling though the clearing. I hadn't even realized the sun had risen. But that wasn't what dawned on me.

His skin, pale to the point of near translucency, cast over by the sun, glinted. At first I thought somehow a glare had hit my eye, but that soon proved not true. As I focused my eyes on him, I realized every bit of revealed skin reached by the suns' light, was glistening, reflecting like a mirror if turned correctly corresponding to light.

"That… still…" I was stupid to even attempt to speak now. Instead I lowered myself, feeling exhausted with the events of the short amount of time.

Caius stepped back into the shade that recently only covered me. He began rebuttoning his shirt. Silence layered over for several minutes before he spoke, sitting down cross-legged.

"That is one of the hardest parts. We are unable to show our skin in the suns' light, unless you wish to be spotted by Mortals."

"Caius, give me a minute, please." I listened to my voice as if it came from someone else. Each word sounded as if it took more out of me than my new knowledge did. My voice was weak as well, but I felt that more than I heard it.

He eyebrows knit together in concern. "Would you like me to leave?"

The very words made me flinch, let alone the thought. But I didn't know this man, I merely know he is what is supposed to be impossible, and that he saved me.

"No," I burst out in alarm. "Please don't I-" That sounded ridiculous, but for some reason I didn't feel scared. I needed him to stay, because yes, I was attracted to him, also because I felt protected around him. I took a deep breath and continued. "Stay, I-I want you to make me like you."

He was already shaking his head. "You do not want this. Just being a newborn alone is worse than hell, it only gets worse as you continue through this life. And being bitten, the transformation is by far the worst possible pain any Being will ever go through."

"How else is it worse?" That I could go through, I would make myself endure it if it meant remaining at his side.

His mouth opened in silent protest. Then he finally seemed to realize I was far more stubborn in certain subjects than most Humans. "When someone becomes a newborn, they are insane with thirst, once they even smell it they will go after anyone in sight. It stays that way for a year or so and even though it becomes more controllable, there is still a daunting chance that you will slip."

"That is another one of your worries; That you will not be able to stop yourself." I made it less of a question, now finally able to keep my voice consistent.

He didn't affirm it, though, but I was sure it was correct. "Please, you could live a perfectly normal Human life. It's better than becoming alone as a never ending killer."

"I wouldn't be alone, I would have you. I would never leave your side and if you ran off I would track you down and make you keep me as company."

Caius found that my tone wasn't joking one tiny bit. Did he want to be alone? No, no creature would want to be alone for eternity. He just didn't approve of my pain, especially since he might not be able to stop himself from draining my blood.

After he didn't speak, I began yet another argument for my turning. "Where would I go, Caius? Certainly not back to that… _monster_. I will never be able to go back there, not with my reputation. It will be at least twenty years before I can be here, and I refuse to return, either way. I also refuse to leave this clearing unless it be at your side."

"Oh, the gods have changed you so much." He shook his head as if frustrated. "You should not want to be at my side. My mere presence near you is a sin in itself. You should be running, taking yourself to the nearest safety you can find, and I would have killed you."

"But you didn't," I brought up. "You rescued me." His gaze rose from the ground to my face, fixating on my own eyes. No doubt he had heard my heart racing, because that was the moment I had decided to bring to mind the events of the previous night. Caius hadn't even hurt her, he had saved her, in more ways than she could name. "Caius, remember, you brought me away from that hell, you even kept your eyes off my body despite my state. You must be with someone or you care so much for me." He still didn't respond, staring sullenly to the ground again. "Caius, answer me."

His eyes closed for a moment, his painful swallow visible. "You have no idea… how much I care for you. There is a name for kinds like you, corresponding to me. You are called my Singer, because the very thought of your blood is as if a melody began and became unending. I want so much for you to be eternally at my side, but it would be far too painful for you. My venom will became a fury worse than the worst of fires. It would be the worst possible fate for you."

"That is not true. Look at me, now." Surprisingly, his gaze raised to mine. "I want to be with you. You saved me, you brought me to a much better situation, and-"

"You take this as a **better** situation?" His voice raised with anger, yet I knew it was desperation far more than anger. "Damnit, every moment that passes makes me long for you even more."

"Then stop waiting in depression. Drink my blood, kill me, turn me, I could **not** care less." I shook my head as emphasis. "Just don't make me return to that hellhole where no one even gives me a second glance unless to undress me with their eyes. I have said this so much but apparently not enough; I don't want to leave y-"

I was cut off as his lips met mine. Aside from my alarm, the first thing I noticed was the freezing sensation from his contact. But it felt more like a numbness than the cold, more blissful. Next came the shock that he had actually kissed me, risked kissing me. Not that I minded one bit.

As he pulled away after a long minute his hand raised to my cheek. His freezing fingers stroking over my skin, summoning goose bumps as his unneeded breath suddenly started with deep breaths. I heard his breath hitch moments later, assuming my scent became too distressful yet again.

"Do you know… how much you agonize me?" The question was obviously redundant. "I have spent years keeping myself from you, running to and back from the town to my coven. I could never keep myself away, it was physically **impossible** for me to restrain myself from returning, but you were always just out of my reach. It took too long for me to be able to kiss you. More so have the chance. But now I can't get enough of you."

"Caius-" I started in a breathy voice, again cut off with his lips pressing against mine. This time I focused on returning the favor, it felt so good to finally kiss him, yet I was merely sitting there, allowing him to kiss me. So I pressed my lips against his', a frustrated groan escaping him before he forced himself away, though he remained only inches in front of me.

Perhaps now was my chance. I could finally confront him about turning me and he certainly couldn't deny me. As if reading my mind, he beat me to it; "Three years. Allow me three years, when you become twenty."

I shook my head. To hell will I be waiting three years to be bound to him. "One, when I become nineteen. Tomorrow is my birthday. A year is the longest I will grant, you have no reason to wait, though."

"I need to assure both you and myself that you know what you are getting yourself into, and what will have to happen for your… turning." I nodded, accepting the compromise before I saw his smile light his perfect features. "And happy birthday, in advance." Then our lips met once again.


End file.
